She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
