Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
