just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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