I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
