Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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