They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Come on in and take your pants off
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