she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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