Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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