Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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