Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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