How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
