she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
