they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
