am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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