It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives