cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish you could order shots online.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself