just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn