Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
