and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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