Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades