oh good, I think they're gone
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.