you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.