but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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