Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
