there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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