you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
