Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
