all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
