Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
