Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
