Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
