Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
