If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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