What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize