I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
