Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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