Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
