it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
