She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize