she looked like the before picture.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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