Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
