I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
