When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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