Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
