Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
