They should really pass out barf bags in church
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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