I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Vodka?
Forever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
