You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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