Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
