That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
