these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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