Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
