remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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