im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
