if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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