when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
