sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
