Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
