brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
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She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
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Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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