The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
