All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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