If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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