I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
