I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
