everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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