I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
