i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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