Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
