After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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