Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
