OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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